Note to Self

I talk to myself, so I figure why not just blog to myself. I saw my counselor Monday. She has encouraged me to write either and article or book about Heart Transplant. Or at least what its like for a family. Maybe I would co-author with someone with some clinical background in this area of medicine. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about all of this. I am afraid he is going to die any time now. I guess its because we reached the ten year mark. I wasn't prepared for that. I figured we might get 5 to 8 years. I have always figured he was living on borrowed time, but now I really do think he does.

Well self, what do you think? I wish I could write and make some money doing so. It would help with things so much. This transplant thing has taken so much of my security away from me. I have searched and searched and can't find an answer to what my future looks like. I pretend I am alone most of the time. Make future plans for one. If I can control all of these things, I can bear it.

By the looks of things, I seriously doubt I will be writing any great epistles. We will just have to wait and see. I barely blog on a regular basis. If I could only get whats in my head and heart to channel out to my fingers onto the page I can do it.

Self you can do this. There has to be a way to heal the hurt. To take away the pain of loneliness, and the shame of my past. A future that brings freedom in its grasp.

Until I post again, so long.