The phone rang. Her roommate answered, “Hold on, she is right here”. Its for you. “Hello?” It was him. “Hey, I thought I would drive up to see you tonight.” “Tonight?, sure, what time?”

“About six, where should I meet you?”

“In front of the Rotunda, I’ll look for you.”

“I can’t wait to see you, its been a long time.”

She lowered her voice, feeling the red creeping up her face. “I know, it has been, see you soon.”

“I have been trying to get away all week, pack a small bag, OK”

The nausea rose up in her stomach instantly. “A bag?”

“Just things you might need if we take a drive and start talking and it gets late, I don’t have to be at work until noon “

Something felt wrong, but they did talk for hours. They were like soul mates talking for hours each week. He knew how she was about keeping her hair straight and brushing her teeth.

“OK, I will bring some wine”

“Don’t worry about me, you intoxicate me already.”

She wasn’t really sure what that meant, but answered quickly “See you at six, Bye.”

“Can’t wait” The phone went dead.

She turned to see her roommate who obviously heard the whole thing?

“Who was that?”

“Friend from back home”

“It was him wasn’t it?”

“Who?”

“Oh come on, the same guy you have been talking to for weeks, why all the secrets?”

“I don’t know. He is just a friend, we like to talk. I am going to take a shower. He is coming to visit tonight, I will probably be late.”

“Ok, don’t forget your key, I am going to dinner, do you want me to bring you something back?”

“No, I have some crackers to munch on, its so hot, I’m not very hungry”

“See you later….” she smiled and waived as she closed the door behind her.

Glad to be free from further questioning , she grabbed a glass from the shelf and an open bottle of wine from the fridge. She poured a glass full, undressed and jumped in the shower. After toweling off and drinking a few sips of wine, she dried her hair and glanced at herself in the mirror. If she could only lose a few more pounds. She put on some makeup and slipped into a pair of black panties. She pulled a black cotton sundress out of the closet and slipped on some flip flops. It was September, but still oppressively hot in Southern Virginia. It had been in the nineties for at least thirty days. In a dorm with no air conditioning, a cold shower was the only relief.

She grabbed her backpack, threw in some makeup, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush. Thought about a change of clothes, but thought better of it. She tossed in another bottle of wine and a couple plastic cups.

5:45, she walked out of the door of her dorm and down the sidewalk toward the Rotunda. Her stomach was doing somersaults. She looked forward to seeing him. They talked for hours almost each weeknight online. He often sent her text messages during the day. Just letting her know he was thinking of her. The notes stopped each Friday night around 7:30. This gave him time to clear them from his phone before he got home. Home with his family.

He worked out of town all week and lived in a small apartment. Jobs are scarce in his town. His wife tried to tough it out and make it in the mill town where he worked. After three years she moved back home. She missed family too much. He tried to make it too. Make it without a woman to share his bed. He didn’t make it either. The nights were often long and lonely. He finally stopped fighting his addiction to women. To his credit, he rarely said anything negative about his wife. Rarely mentioned her. At least not anymore. He did talk about his kids, his daughter was her age and would be married soon. She tried not to think about it.

She found an empty bench under a large old oak tree in front of the Rotunda. She pulled on sunglasses and settled back to wait. In a few minutes his little red compact appeared. She walked over and pointed him to a parking space across the street.

He got out and smiled broadly. “Hi, I’m glad you made it”

She smiled shyly “Me too, its been a while since I saw you”

She couldn’t quite figure out why he kept calling her. He acted like he cared deeply for her. After years of feeling unloved she didn’t know what to make of him. Was it normal for a man with a wife and kids to be a close friend with a twenty year old college student?

“Is there somewhere we can go and talk ?”

“There is a garden down the street with lots of bushes” suddenly she was nervous. Did someone back home know about their friendship? Did he feel like he needed to tell her in person? Her father knew him. If he found out it would be bad. She suddenly felt hot with shame. They had never done anything, not even kiss. She believed he wanted to be a friend who cared about her.

He locked his car and they walked side by side down the street. She was glad she had chosen this side of campus. It was usually pretty quiet this time of day. She wasn’t sure how she would feel if her friends saw them.

They quickly reached the garden and found a quiet bench by itself. He looked into her eyes and asked “How have you been?, I have missed you so much.”

“I’m fine., my classes are going well.”

He always seemed to find her fascinating. He couldn’t seem to get enough of just sitting and talking, drinking her in.

“Any boyfriends?”

She could feel the red heat crawling up her neck into her face.

“No”

“Its ok if you do you know.”

She nodded, not sure she understood his response, she was starting to feel awkward.

“I can’t believe I am here. I decided I couldn’t go another day without seeing you. You are beautiful”

She smiled and nodded, this was getting awkward. She fished in her backpack for a plastic cup and bottle of wine. They were alone in the garden. She needed to be numb.

“I have a surprise for you. Do you have to be anywhere tonight.”

Her stomach fell. “No”

He pulled a hotel key card from his pocket. “We can talk face to face all night if you want.”

"Do you need anything from your room?"

She shook her head no and followed him to his car.

"You look scared, don't be. I just want to spend some time with you and talk."

She nodded, relaxing a little in her seat. She had to admit, she felt important when she was with him.

"I brought some food, I notice you brought something to drink." He nodded towards her cup with some dissapproval. It seemed to bother him that she drank so much when he was with her. It was the only way she could survive this. how in the world had she gotten this involved?

The drove the short distance to the hotel. He had already registered so they entered through a side door and made their way to the elevator. To her relief, the lobby was empty. A lot of students from the university worked here. It was a small school and a small town. Nobody would care. They would probably think it was her dad.

The door opened and they stepped in. He pushed 4. She thought she was going to pass our from her nerves and the wine. Her mind was foggy, but something about this did not make sense.

The doors opend to the fourth floor and he lid her to room 419. He slid the card in and unlocked the door. It was a new hotel and the room was large and bright. The king sized bed seemed to stare at her form the middle of the room. There was a couch, a TV, fridge and microwave.

"I need to use the restroom" she whispered. Her voice hoarse from fear.

He took his jacket off and sat on the couch. "Take your time." I'm waiting.

She closed the door and stared at the mirror. The shower behind her was huge. She wanted to get in and turn on the hot water until she could barely stand it. Till it hurt. What was she doing here? They could have talked in his car, or on campus.

She flushed the toilet, washed her hands and straightened her dress, took a deep breath and walked out.

He was on the couch. He patted the spot beside him. Come here. We have a lot to catch up on.

She reached for her backpack, pulled out the bottle of wine and filled her cup. She put the remainder in the fridge and turned to him. She walked across the room and sat beside him.

"Why do you drink so much?'

"It calms my nerves I guess?"

"I won't hurt you, you understand that don't you?"

She looked at him uncertainly. "I don't think you will hurt me, I just don't understand why you want to talk to me so much, or spend time with me."

With that, he pulled her to him. He started to kiss her softly. "I can't help it" He looked at her sadly, and with what looked like some regret and started to kiss her more intensely. Slowly he eased her down on the couch and laid her down. He laid on top of her and continued to kiss her. She could barely breath. She was scared to push him away. In ways she was addicted to him. She just wasn't sure what he wanted. She didnt' think it would go any further. She was getting lost in him and she didn't seem to care anymore. He said he wouldn't hurt her. She believed him. She didn't know he was going to steal her very soul.

After what seemed only seconds he pulled her up, took her hand and led her to the door. Why did he look so sad? He turned off the lights and slowly lowered her to the bed. He pulled her dress up to her waist and pulled it over her head. He laid her down on the bed and pulled her panites off. She didn't stop him. He only took off his shirt much to her relief. He started to kiss her again, then moved lower until he was finally kneeling between her legs. She felt his face down there and suddenly he began to kiss her again. She had never felt anything like this before. His toungue felt like the wings of a hummingbird in the private places no man had been before. What was that noise? She realized the sound was her. She was becoming lost in a feeling she had never felt before. She started to cry. They were sharing something so intimate their souls combined as one.

He seemed to sense that she could take no more and moved back on her. Again she realized with relief that he was still dressed from the waist down. He had crossed a line but was still treating her with some level of respect. She came out of this fog when she heard him unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He was back on her and she felt pain she had never felt before. She heard herself scream. He seemed to take this as a reponse of pleasure. She started to cry again. It was over. The trust she had held onto was gone. This was what he wanted all along. She heard him groan and finally he rolled off. He found her again and began to rub her belly and kiss her again. He realized she was still crying and pulled her close. What had just happened? How could he have done this to her. He said he wouldn't hurt her. He turned on the light. She felt flooded with shame. She was naked in the light, exposed for him to see. She needed to go to the bathroom but wasn't sure how to pull away. She returned his kisses, but then slid away saying "I have to go". She could feel his eyes watch her walk across the room. She was burning with shame. She was through. He had taken what bit of dignity she felt she had left.

She closed the door and used the bathroom. She was bleeding. Of course she was. This had never happened before. She cleaned up and washed her hands. She looked in the mirror into eyes that were empty. She knew this was dangerous. Why didn't she tell him no. That she was busy. Then in horror she realized he had not used any protection. What was she going to do now? Maybe nothing would happen, but what if it did? She turned on the shower and turned the dial to Hot. She stepped in and started to cry. She was leaning on the wall when she started to sob uncontrollably. Her belly felt like it was on fire from where he had been. Only then did she notice him standing there next to her. He pulled her to him and looked down at her. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to.

She wasn't sure he could really meant that. She tried to believe he just lost control of the moment and he was sorry. That he would not do this to her again. Maybe it was his wife's fault. All she knew was that she was standing here with him, exposed, and full of shame. She wanted to cover herself. She wanted him to leave her alone. It hurt so bad. She had never felt pain like this. Her heart felt like it was breaking. "Its Ok, I know you didn't mean to" She really didn't believe him, but she was afraid she would never see him again if she pushed him away. He was like a drug to her, a bad habit she could not stop.

He took the soap and started to wash her. She could feel the heat of shame rising within her. He was touching places that shouldn't be touched. "Your bleeding" he said. She nodded, and then the color left his face and he looked at her with horror. "This was the first time wasn't it?" She nodded yes. She guessed that he thought she had experience based on the long conversations they had that often went way further then they should have. "Its OK, it had to happen sometime." Then the sobs returned deeper and harder then before. She wanted him to get away. She was so ashamed to let him see her. She couldn't look at him. She felt nauseated with disgust. He continued to wash her until finally he turned off the water and dried her with a towel. He led her back into the room and laid her on the crisp white sheets. He covered her and crawled in beside her rubbing her side until sleep finally came.