To whom it may concern

SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder:
According to Websters: : depression that tends to recur as the days grow shorter during the fall and winter
Thats a lie. Its June, its hot, its sunny, days are getting longer I am getting sadder. When I think about it this has been going on my whole life. I just didn't know it had a name. When I think about why I guess June has always been the end of the year, the end of relationships, a lonely time. Summer days go on and on and never seem to end. I am so alone and so sad. Empty. The summer dusk seems to last forever. My body aches. Aches for someone to care. There's nobody there. When does it end? Labor Day weekend. At least thats when the business begins. Fall starts to nip the air and I begin to believe its going to be alright this year. Then the holidays approach and I become disenchanted with man. It brings memories of past sins and hurts I didn't create. Hurts that feel like a gaping wound in my soul. Someone keeps rubbing salt on this wound. Nothing goes right. I realize life won't stop, neither will my mistakes.

Oh I have tried to cope. Paying someone to listen helps. She is patient and seems to care. Its an unusual relationship. One where I am careful not to cross the line of professionalism. I can't afford for her to say no more. I no longer enjoy the liquids that warmed my throat and heart for a while. Oh I am tempted. Oh to feel that high again. No more illicit love. Oh tempted there as well. Fortunately with age the looks are gone. What a mess that would be. But oh if only for a little while. The sin is too much to imagine. Oh but only for someone to love my soul.