February 14, 2008


Dear Chip,

Today we enter decade number two. Yesterday you reached the ten year mark of your heart transplant. It seems like yesterday that I walked into the ICU and saw you hooked up to a respirator. The nurse helped me gown up and put on a mask and gloves so I could come into the small glass cage to see you . You were pink, not that strange gray yellow color you had been over the past few months as you had slowly withered away from me. I knew the only hope you had was for someone with the right blood type to suffer the misfortune of brain death. Its really no way to live. You sitting in the hospital day after day hanging on by a string that seemed to stretch a little more each day. Me working, taking care of the kids and trying to keep it all together. What a liar I was. I wasn’t Ok. I seemed to make everyone else believe me. I wasn’t. You can’t be in that situation. Anybody who says they are is a liar.

Ten years out. I remember the days when we would say six weeks out, or 2 years out. Now I just say its been ten years. Its almost nothing special anymore. You are special. I know how hard you fought just to survive. When they told you the only chance you had was a transplant I spent days trying to deal with that reality. Of course everyone else tried to make it about them. I understand now, but you are the other half of me. You and me, we are one. I wasn’t sure how I could get through life as just one half of our whole. It took everything I had to walk into that hospital room after your options had been laid before you and tell you "Don't do this for me, do it only if you want to." I knew what the other option was. Thanks for the choice you made. I realize now how blessed we are. I know how close I came to having you slip away forever. It seemed like a cruel thing at the time. It still does. Its not over, I realize that. I finally got to the point where I could calm down and not worry everyday. I think about the future sometimes. Counseling has helped. She lets me talk about what I really feel without putting that burden on you. Thank you for supporting me in that.

If I can figure out how to post the picture on here, I have one of you walking away from me on the beach. Thank you for the wonderful weekend we spent at the beach for our anniversary. Thanks for just hanging out and not acting bored when things were just slow down there. It was relaxing and helped me feel closer to you.

Happy ten years babe. I pray we are able to borrow another ten years, but if not, its been worth the ride. What doesn’t kill us certainly makes us stronger.

Love You
R